Blood Mages
by Alice Bekett
Summary: Jace has come to Kirkwall,in search of some peace and time away from Alistair.He hopes to find the one man who upset the balance of Kirkwall:Cade Hawke.He has some minor things of his own he needs to do,but is content to live out a relatively pain free existence helping others.Cade Hawke is interested in the other haunted mage,hoping to learn some of the magical secrets Jace has.
1. Arriving and Expectations

I was shaken awake by Leliana, "We're here, love."

I sat up, and looked around the cramped hold, half full of people. They were all starting to wake up, and move around. I stood shakily, trying to keep my balance on the rocking ship. Leliana and I exited the ship, and took a minute to gain our bearings.

I gazed up at the tall stone walls, and was eerily reminded of the Circle. I shook myself, and rested a hand on Leliana's arm, "Let's go."

Leliana smiled, " We're in the Gallows. We're headed for Lowtown."

"The Hanged Man, right?" I asked quietly. We made our way towards the entrance into the main city. I glanced around, templars swarmed the area.

"The Circle and templar quarters are here. That large building there is the Viscount's Keep," Leliana pointed to a large building in the distance.

The large, cold stone buildings were similar to the ruins in the Kocari Wilds I had seen when at Ostagar. _Makes sense the Imperium built both._ I could feel a templars gaze from behind their thick helmet. I looked up to see a templar striding over to us.

"What's your business?" A deep baritone resounded from the helmet.

"Grey Warden business," I replied smartly, digging into my pocket for my orders from _Alistair. _The fact I had to take orders from him made me angry, but I could do nothing about it.

The templar took it, and glanced at the seal. He nodded and handed the papers back, "You may go."

We made our way into the winding streets of a city I had never seen. Hightown disappeared as we went lower into the city. Leliana led me through the debilitated streets with a confidence that surprised me; she had only been to Kirkwall once.

Leliana stopped outside a door that had a large sign of a man hanging by his ankles. It was emboldened with large lettering that read; _The Hanged Man. _"This is it," Leliana opened the door.

"really? This doesn't look like a place where we can find the third most important person in Kirkwall," I remarked dryly.

"He has friends here. Besides, you should know that just because someone is important, it doesn't mean they have to follow society's expectation of them," Leliana chastised, pulling open the door.

I held it for her, and followed her into the tavern. It was poorly lit with lanterns scattered around. The only real light came in through the high, barred windows, and even that was dimmed from the grime that coated the glass panes. There were ominous bloodstains every so often on the floorboards, and the furniture looked like it could all take a beating. _It probably has._ A bar stood in the corner, bartender pouring drinks for several of the tavern's occupants.

Leliana strode over to the bartender, "Can you tell me where I can find Cade Hawke?" She asked innocently.

The bartender looked her over, and spied me, "Why do you need him?"

"Official Grey Warden business," Leliana told him sternly.

The bartender mulled this over for a moment, before I felt the cold edge of a dagger at the back of my neck, "What do you want with Hawke?"

I narrowed my eyes in thought, _where have I heard that voice before?_

Then it hit me, the Pearl; "Isabela?" I asked cautiously, turning around, wary of the blade pressed to my throat.

I turned to see someone that looked vaguely like Isabela, Her hair was kept out of her face by a blue bandana. She had large golden earrings in her ears and a pierced lower lip. Her hazel eyes narrowed, "Do I know you?"

"The Pearl in Denerim," I choked, "You taught me to duel. I caught you cheating at Wicked Grace."

Isabela's eyes widened in surprise and recognition, "Warden?"

"Commander, actually," I corrected.

Isabela blinked, "Why are you here? Didn't you get Turnip Keep?"

I snorted, "Vigils Keep, but not anymore."

"What do you need?" Isabela asked, sheathing her dagger.

"I need to find Cade Hawke, official Grey Warden business," I replied, "I know he's in Kirkwall, but-"

"How do you know about Hawke? Beyond upsetting the balance in Hightown, he hasn't really done much."

I heard someone snort to my left, "Riviani, you heard the elf. He has official business to take care of."

I turned to find myself looking down at a beardless Dwarf with a shirt that was open, revealing lots of chest hair. I felt my eyebrows start to creep into my hairline, but didn't want to say anything.

"You're just hoping he'll do business with you afterwords," Isabela said, the Dwarf smiled.

"It depends on the type of business he does. Doesn't look like he could be much help to Hawke, he's tinier than Daisy."

Leliana and I shared a look, most people didn't believe I was a Warden-Commander let alone the Hero of Fereldan.

"He didn't used to be like this, Varric. He was strong for an elf, once."

Varric opened his mouth to say something before a man dressed in Tevinter style robes came down a staircase, "Hey, Varric? What's going on down-" The man quickly tried to go back up the stairs, but I strode forward, eyes narrowing in anger.

"Anders, get your ass down here!"

Anders' shoulders slumped, and he descended the stairs again. I looked him over, checking for anything wrong. He looked slightly worried. Anger boiled in my chest, _damn right, he should be bloody terrified! _Without pausing to think about it, I hauled back and punched my fellow mage as hard as I could in the jaw.

I felt several of my fingers break on impact, but _I_ felt better. Anders was flung onto the ground, clearly not expecting the blow, "Do you have _any_ idea how the templars treated me after you ran off!" I demanded, "I am a laughing stock, and Alistair has tightened templar security around the Keep! I know you don't like commitments, but you were safe from templars! You could have at least told me you were leaving, you irresponsible prick!"

Anders opened his mouth to say something, but I grabbed the collar of his robes and forcefully bent him down to my height, "Don't you _dare_ pin this on Justice. You knew what could have happened, and so did he! _I_ am more of a danger than you, as long as your careful we could have kept your secret and now if you ever step foot in Amaranthine again, they will kill you!"

Anders paled, wisely shut his mouth, he glanced at my bruising hand, "I can heal that," He murmured weakly.

I let him go, and he stumbled back, "We are going to talk later, do you understand?"

"Yes, Commander."

"Good. Now, back to business," I turned to face a shocked Isabela and Varric.

"Wow, who knew. Blondie isn't as all powerful as we thought," Varric glanced up at Isabela, who now looked smug.

"I told you."

Varric laughed, and looked at her pointedly, "My eyes are up here, Riviani."

"But the chest hair..."

"I am a person, not an object."

Isabela's eyes widened, "Uh, Varric?"

Varric laughed again, "Just shitting you."

I glanced at Leliana, wondering why in the hell I was always surrounded by crazy people. Leliana was trying to hold off a smile. She placed a hand on my shoulder, and shook her head.

I sighed, "Damn, I just got used to normal people."

Leliana laughed, "We are not normal, my love."

(LINE BREAK)

Author's note: Aha! I have completed the first chapter! This story may alternate between Jace and Cade, but it will be said at the top of each chapter who's POV it is, so there should be no confusion. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can call this series? PM me or leave a review. I'll try to update soon!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, even though I wish I did. I am not making any money, and am only writing this for entertainment purposes only.


	2. More Expections and Titles

_Cade_

I watched as Mother walked around near the fireplace, humming contentedly. I sighed, this was the happiest she'd been since Carver left for the templars. Anger bubbled up in my chest every time I thought about it, but I had to force my hate away, even if only for Mother.

I cast a glance around the mansion I had bought back after the disastrous Deep Roads expedition. It was tastefully decorated, and Bodahn kept it clean. I was brought out of my thoughts when Isabela strode in, Varric at her heels.

"I shit you not, if it weren't for that blasted idol, Hawke and I would still be poor men!" Varric exclaimed.

_Ah, it seems Varric is talking about our expedition again,_ "Don't forget, I saved you from that blasted dragon, not the other way around."

"Now, now, Hawke. That's not how I sell things! I saved you from the dragon, you saved me from the Rock Wraith."

I was stunned when three people followed after them. Anders I immediately recognized, but the others I did not. The elf was little more than skin and bone, and his right hand was wrapped and splinted. Bruising evident on his pale fingers. His companion was a lithe, red haired human. She wore a leather cuirass and looked up at me and smiled.

I blinked. _Wait, I do know her. Sister Nightingale.. Maker's blood, _that's _the Hero of Fereldan?_

I walked down the stairs, hoping to get a better look at the elf in front of me. His red hair was the shade of freshly shed blood, and his skin was as pale as snow, with an ugly scar across one cheek. The scar marred a light blue tattoo that stretched over his eye and down his jaw in intricate lines. His eyes were the oddest shade of blue I had ever seen, they were bright, and seemed to glow. They were blue, but a hint of green had been mixed in, they were sunken into their sockets, and dark rings under them.

The elf extended a hand, "I am Jace Surana, Warden-Commander."

I shook his hand, it was cold as ice, but firm. His robes were not traditional, in fact, they looked Dalish. They were like Merrill's, but less form fitting, "I'm Cade Hawke."

Jace nodded, "I believe you already know Leliana."

"Yes, we met before."

"The Grand Cleric did not leave, did she?" Leliana asked sadly.

"No, she refused to follow your advice."

Leliana sighed, "I thought she wouldn't. I told the Divine as such, but she made me deliver the message anyway."

Jace looked around, and spotted Darren, my Mabari war hound. A sad smile graced his features, and could see a dull handsomeness in the features. Mother walked over and extended her hand. Jace blinked, and Leliana nudged him in the ribs. Jace took her hand, and brushed his lips over her knuckles, "I take it you are Lady Hawke?"

Mother laughed, "I'm Cade's mother."

Leliana smiled, "I love your dress! Where did you get it?"

Mother started chatting amiably with Leliana. Jace looked slightly uncomfortable, but looked at Anders, who paled significantly. I raised an eyebrow at him, questioningly.

"This is the Warden-Commander. The Hero of Fereldan-"

"I gathered that already, Anders," I growled, suddenly angry, "I want to know why you look like you're going to piss yourself."

Varric laughed, "You should have seen it! Anders tried to run away when he saw him, but I'm telling you, Hawke, don't piss this guy off."

I raised an eyebrow, I could hardly believe what Varric was hinting at, but Jace couldn't weigh much more than ninety pounds. I had no idea how he stopped the Blight, unless he got sick afterwords.

Jace smirked, "It's alright, Varric. I don't mind the occasional challenge. It's nice to have a few people with backbones around."

Varric laughed, "I wouldn't say that if I were you, Hawke doesn't just have a backbone-"

"Are you telling me he's stubborn?" Jace asked,"if he is, that's what I like to hear."

I was slightly surprised, It was well known that I was wry, but can also anger in a split second.

"Well, I was gonna say he's ballsy, but that works too."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. Jace smirked, "At least you don't have to worry about the Archdemon."

"Some days I would prefer it."

"C'mon, Hawke, we're not _that_ bad," Varric smirked.

"You can be," I growled back.

"Easy, Hawke. We don't want to scare the girl."

"Hey!" Leliana snapped, turning to join the conversation, "I am perfectly capable of handling myself, thank you."

I blinked, and Mother was trying to hold back a smile. Jace smiled as his companion started chewing Varric out. He turned his attention to me, "There is a reason why we came."

"What's that?" I asked, I looked at Mother, and led Jace toward the study.

"The official reason is because I'm searching for a runaway Warden named Anders," Jace said smoothly, "The real reason was I needed to get away from Amaranthine and the King for a while."

I blinked, "The king?"

"We don't see eye to eye on much, and he hates me," Jace grimaced, "He's been trying to undermine my authority since I defeated the Archdemon. I am the person he sends to do his dirty work whenever I'm not doing Warden business."

"Why do you need Anders?" I asked, feeling intrigued. Anders never said much about his Commander. Looking at him, I didn't blame Anders.

"I conscripted him when I was one of the only Wardens left it Fereldan. King Alistair was not pleased, and neither were the templars. After he left, it gave Alistair a bit of leverage to slander my name in the Wardens. I have to give the First Warden proof that Anders can be of help here, or bring him back."

I nodded, "So, this is to save your ass?"

"No, actually. This is to save the Wardens embarrassment and allow Amaranthine more time to get used to the Wardens presence without too much change."

I nodded again, "You're doing this for your people?"

"Yes, Amaranthine has hit hard times after I was appointed Arl. I love doing it, it gives me something to do, and keeps me on my toes."

I understood what he meant, I myself often had to find things to do, "You've already found Anders, what now?"

Jace shrugged, " I do not know. I need to give my report to the Wardens and await my next mission. For the next while, however, I believe you can find me at the Hanged Man."

I nodded, and just stepped back into the main room when Mother noticed we came back, "Cade, dear. Do you think Leliana and Jace could stay here? It's so nice to talk to another Lady."

Leliana blushed, and looked at her feet. _She's a Lady? Why is she with him, let alone doing dangerous missions for the Divine?_

I ran a hand through my hair, but nodded. Leliana smiled, and blushed a deeper shade of red, "Thank you."

Jace nodded, "Yes, thank you for your hospitality. If you ever find yourself in Amaranthine, come to Vigil's Keep and I'll repay the favour."

"We'll keep that in mind, thank you," I replied tersely.

Mother smiled at me proudly, "I'll show you to your rooms-"

"Is it all right if we share a room?' Leliana asked, "We were married last month."

It clicked in my head, _that's why she's a Lady. She's the Arlessa of Amaranthine._

"I'm sorry, I didn't know, do you mind telling me about it later?"

"Of course, I had the prettiest shoes!" Leliana gushed, as Mother led them to one of the many guest rooms of the second floor.

I sighed. _Well, this should be interesting._

_END _

Author's Note: Action coming in the next few chapters, I swear!


	3. Settling in and Tours

_Jace_

I looked around the room that Leliana and I were provided, and watched Leliana gush over the decorations. The cold stone was still evident, but the room had a soft look to it that seemed impossible from looking at the house from the outside.

Cade seemed a little distant,_ but then I am a complete stranger. _I sighed, rubbing my burning eyes. I had forgotten my glasses, again_._

"Lel, did you by chance, grab my glasses on the way out?" I asked.

Leliana spun around, "I asked you if you had them before we left!"

"I thought I'd had!"

Leliana sighed, "I'm sure we can find some here in Kirkwall. We'll ask Lady Hawke tomorrow."

I smiled crookedly, "Thanks."

Leliana sighed, "How did you survive so long in the Circle if you can barely remember the date?"

I shrugged, running a hand through my hair, "Magic is easy, everything else isn't."

"How? Did you have no other duties than studying?"

"The older apprentices sometimes had to look after the younger ones, but that was about it, unless an Enchanter asked you to do something."

Leliana sighed, "Mages need to get out of the tower more."

"You know that's impossible, especially for me. I was a little bit of a trouble-maker, and ever since Anders tried to swim for freedom, we weren't really allowed out into the grounds, either."

Leliana looked confused, "What do you mean?"

"We had to do exercises outside a few years ago, during one of them, Anders jumped into the water and started swimming toward the docks. They couldn't find him for a week. After that, anyone over 16 had to have at least two templars with them. It was more of a pain than anything else, and most older apprentices never really bothered going out, unless they were in a group."

"Really? That's sad."

I shrugged, "I never particularly cared whether I was outside or inside. I did run up and down the stairs a lot, though."

"Really? You were so..." Leliana paused, looking for a word.

I smiled, "I know, but stairs are different from the road. Besides, I had travelled for a few weeks with Duncan before we met. I was worse before."

Leliana laughed, and took off her boots, "You always have the weirdest stories about the Tower."

I shrugged, taking off my boots as well, "Well, we had to make do with what we had. Did I ever tell you about my recruitment?"

"A little, after the final battle."

"Well, I was awoken in the middle of the night to take my Harrowing. The test every mage takes to get out of apprenticeship. I was sent into the Fade to kill a demon, or so I thought. I started using the area around me to see what I could use against the demon, and ran into a mouse. The mouse turned into a human, and told me he had been an apprentice who had been killed before his Harrowing was completed."

"After a while, I was ready to kill the demon. I did so, with the help of the mouse. After, he tried to talk me into letting him take a place in my body. I refused, and he turned into a Pride demon, like Uldred. I awoke sometime the next day. Jowan told me Irving was looking for me. I went to Irving's study to find him arguing with Knight-Commander Gregoir about Ostagar. Duncan was there. Irving presented me with my Circle robes and staff, and asked me to escort Duncan to his quarters."

"Wow," Leliana said, "What was Duncan there for?"

"Mages, for Ostagar. He hinted that I could join the army or become a Grey Warden."

"Wow, but how did Jowan impact this?" Leliana asked.

I winced, but continued on, "Jowan asked if he could talk to me. He had told me months before that he'd found a girl. Jowan couldn't do anything by halves. The girl turned out to be a Chantry initiate, which, as you know... relations are forbidden."

"You helped him escape, didn't you?"

"Yes. I helped him destroy his phylactery. Gregoir, Irving, Duncan and several templars confronted us when we got out of the Tower's basement. Jowan escaped using blood magic, and Lily refused to go with him. Duncan recruited me, and Lily was taken away."

Leliana rested a hand on my shoulder comfortingly, "It wasn't your fault. Besides, he did redeem himself in the end."

I nodded, "I know." I took off my robes to reveal a shirt and breeches. Leliana took off her cuirass to reveal the same.

"Jowan was a good man. I didn't know him very well, but I wish I did. He was on the same level of friendship that Zevran was."

"Zevran is on the run from the Crows. He said he'd come visit us when it's safe," I reminded her.

Leliana sighed, slipping into her nightdress, "We don't know that, love. I'm sure he'll visit when he can."

"You don't think he will." I replied, putting on my nightshirt.

Leliana climbed into bed, "We can look into it when we get back to the Keep, love."

I nodded, and turned away, coughing into my hands. Seeing Leliana frown in worry, I shook my head. When the coughing stopped, I showed her the blood-free hand, "See, the tea is working."

Leliana looked slightly doubtful, "How is the pain?"

I shrugged, and slipped into bed beside her, wrapping my arms around her warm body, "It's there, but it's better than it has been in a while."

Leliana nestled her head in the crook of my neck, "We'll talk more in the morning, love."

I kissed her, "I love you."

"And I you."

I shut my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

(LINE BREAK)

I was jolted awake when Leliana nearly vaulted out of bed toward the chamberpot. I sat up quickly, and the pain returned in a sharp jab as the blood in my lungs shifted. Coughing, I watched as Leliana emptied the contents of her stomach into the chamberpot.

After I could breathe, I knelt beside her, rubbing her back, "Are you sure you're alright? This isn't the first time this has happened."

Leliana took several shaky breaths, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? This is the third week in a row," I pressed.

"I'm fine!" Leliana snapped, making me wince at the loud noise, "I'm sorry, but I think I know what's wrong. I'll talk to Anders today, maybe someone at the Chantry."

"Are you sure?" I asked, still feeling worried, despite her reassurances.

"I'll be fine, love. It's you I'm worried about. Lets go find the kitchen and make your tea," Leliana stood, went to the basin of water and dipped an ornate cup into it. Taking a sip, she swished it around her mouth, and spat it into the basin. She wrapped a shawl around her shoulders, and I put on a sleeveless shirt and a pair of breeches before searching the house for the kitchen.

After we found it, I sat and watched the kettle as it boiled. After I made the tea, I sat at the table, and watched Leliana move about the kitchen, humming a tune I knew well. It was the elven song she had sung in camp, almost a year ago. She often hummed it as it calmed her nerves and it seemed to help calm mine as well.

She started making breakfast. After she started, I heard two sets of footsteps run down hallway. Two dwarves ran in, and skidded to a halt.

"Bodahn?" I asked, looking at the dwarves, "Sandal?"

"Warden!" Bodahn exclaimed, "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Amaranthine!"

"I came from Amaranthine, what are you doing here?"

"Messere Hawke saved my boys life. I am working for him to remove the debt."

"Bodahn!" Leliana squealed, "It's so good to see you! I'm making breakfast, is there anything you really want?"

"No thank you, Lady. Thank her Sandal."

"Thank you, kind lady."

"Why did you come running down the hallway?" I asked.

"Messere Hawke can't cook. The last time he tried, the kitchen almost burned down."

I stifled a laugh, "Come sit down, tell me what's been going on since the Blight ended."

"Of course, come sit down Sandal."

Sandal sat beside his father. Bodahn started to tell me of a Deep Roads expedition that he and Sandal were hired to be a part of, and how Sandal had been separated from the group, and how Hawke had found him.

Just as Bodahn was finishing his story, and I had started my second cup of tea, the kitchen door creaked open, and Hawke's mother, Leandra, stepped into the room. She was dressed in a simple dress, still of nice make, but more relaxed than the dress she had worn the day before.

"Oh, I thought Bodahn was making breakfast."

Leliana smiled, "I had no idea you had help, Lady Hawke-"

"Please, call me Leandra, Lady Surana."

Leliana giggled, and looked at me,"I am still not used to your last name, everyone calls you Warden, Warden-Commander, or Commander," she turned back to Leandra, "Call me Leliana, otherwise I may not answer. I am not yet used to being a Lady."

"I admit, it feels odd being called such again," Leandra admitted, "I think the bacon is burning, dear."

"Oh!" Leliana turned back to the food that was still cooking, and I heard her mumbling in Orlesian.

I stood, and pulled out a chair for Leandra. She sat, but grasped my left wrist before I could move away. I felt the blood in my face drain away, and my heart freeze in my chest. _She can't know, can she?_

"Do Grey Wardens allow blood magic?" She asked carefully, eyeing the scar in the middle of my palm.

"We are to do whatever we can to stop the Blight," I told her, "By any means necessary."

Leandra nodded, and let go of my scarred arm. I rubbed my wrist, and sat back down. I took a soothing mouthful of my tea.

"How long have you been practising?" Leandra asked directly, making me choke.

I coughed into my elbow, "Ugh, pardon?"

"How long have you been practising blood magic?" Leandra repeated.

I thought about it for a moment, "A year, almost two maybe."

"Cade has a few scars that look like that. Do you think he could...?" Leandra trailed off, looking slightly worried.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I think blood magic can be a helpful tool if it is used to help people. Many mages, however, use it for their own good. Cade is a Champion of Kirkwall, and is certainly living up to his namesake."

Leandra's brow furrowed, "Namesake?"

"Yes, there was another Champion, in the Blessed age I think, who was named Cade. Did you not know that?"

"Well, my husband named him, he was a circle mage, maybe he knew."

"Probably, we learn a lot about important dead people."

"What is life in the Circle like? Malcolm never said much."

"It varies on the tower, but Fereldan was..." I searched for a word, "Interesting. All towers have a very strict schedule. When to eat, when classes are, when we go to bed and everything in between."

"What are the templars like?"

_A faceless templar glaring at us behind his mask. _

"Largely depends on the type of people they are."

_Overhearing templars talking about someone's failed Harrowing. Gregoir had to cleave her head from her shoulders. One of the templars laughed._

_Templars, after Jonathon's death. Laughing at what their companion had done to Jonathon's apprentice: me._

_The templar that still haunts my dreams, telling me that I had poisoned Jonathon, even though he had no proof._

I felt my mouth go dry, and my hands start to shake. I clenched my hands under the table, and looked at Leliana for help.

"It does depend, Leandra," Leliana said soothingly, "Some templars like helping people, and that's why they do what they do."

"I always hear about the bad templars, though."

I nodded slowly, "Every Circle mage has had bad run ins with bad templars, but there are good ones too."

"I've heard that Knight-Captain Cullen is a wonderful-"

"Cullen- is he Fereldan?" I asked, remembering what Wynne had told me. Cullen had apparently gone mad, and killed half a dozen mages before he was stopped.

"Yes, I believe so. Why?"

"He's one of the bad ones," I stated simply.

"What did he do?" Leandra asked.

I shook my head, "I doubt you would-"

"Don't presume that just because I am a Lady I cannot handle what happens in the real world. My son, daughter and husband were mages. My second son is a templar under Cullen! Tell me so I can warn him."

I sighed, "He killed six mages for no reason. He was never the same after the Circle destroyed itself."

Leandra gasped, "How is that possible? He said he was transferred!"

"No, he left before he could be punished severely."

"No! Carver said he-"

"Leandra. I may be wrong. I doubt it, but I heard this from a very good friend in the Circle. She may have gotten it wrong, I really don't know."

"I have to warn Carver!" Leandra said, standing up.

"Please, sit down. If Cullen has done nothing yet, it is doubtful he will do anything now. It can wait until later today."

Leandra looked very worried, but sat back down.

After a few more minutes, Leliana finished making breakfast. We ate in silence, and after we finished, Leandra gave us a tour.

"This is Cade's room, and mine is here. The library is downstairs, as you know."

"This is a lovely house, Leandra."

Leandra smiled, "I used to live here when I was a little girl. The house was left to me and my children when my parents died. You've probably heard of the Amells-"

"That reminds me, I have Cassandra Amell's belongings and will. If you want to-"

"What do you mean?" Leandra asked, "I thought you were here to find Anders."

"We are, but I was a member of the Fereldan Circle before being a Grey Warden, Irving needed someone to do this for him. I know I disappointed him with my choices, and he is a man with limited time left."

Leandra nodded, "Alright then. I suppose we'll get this settled, then."

The cool house was making me shiver, "I will go get them, then. Can we discuss this in the library?"

Leandra smiled, "Of course."

I left, but before I was out of earshot, I heard Leliana say: "Good, I know this is sudden, but you're a mother-"

I didn't bother pausing to hear the rest of the conversation, if I did, Leliana would surely kill me. After making sure no one was around, I slipped into the bathroom, and let loose the coughing fit I had been holding back.

Nothing came up from my lungs, but as I predicted, the fit made my gag reflex kick in. I vomited blood into the toilet, something that the Keep had recently installed itself.

After a few heaves, the blood stopped coming. I washed out my mouth, and quickly went to the room Leandra had given us. I pulled on a sweater, willing my hands to stop shaking. I grabbed the small bundle of Amell's belongings.

I thought about her for a minute, remembering. She had been a beautiful woman with dark hair and blue eyes. We had been close for years, and this was slightly hard to do, but I knew it needed to be done.

I went back downstairs to find Leliana smiling like a madwoman, and Leandra looking reasonably happy as well. I didn't comment, just reached into the bundle and pulled out the last letter Amell ever wrote. The writing was shaky, and almost unreadable at some parts, but I had already memorized it.

"I don't think you knew Amell, but she looked a lot like Cade," I said softly, "We were friends for a long time."

I took a breath and started to read:

_To whom it may concern,_

_This will be the last thing I will ever do, I am certain of it. Uldred has completely lost his mind and malificar are now roaming around, killing those that refuse to resort to blood magic. I saw Wynne take some of the children and several apprentices with her to a more secure part of the Tower. If you find this before you find them, I beg you to save them._

_I have several things I wish to give away, that I will hide in the false bottom of my trunk. If you found this note in my pocket, I applaud you, and thank you for being resourceful._

_To Jace Surana, my close friend for many years: I leave my copy of _The Wonders of Thedas._ I know you've always loved this book, and I hope you can still find use for it in your new life as a Grey Warden. Maker bless you for trying to save us from the Blight._

_Jace should be found by wherever Grey Wardens can be found. He is a mage that was recruited several months before this calamity. If you only find a body, give the book to the Grey Wardens._

_To my family in Lothering: I know I never met you, but my mother often spoke of Leandra and Malcolm. I leave you and your children with everything else found in the chest._

_Please, whoever is reading this, please do this for me. _

_Maker bless us all,_

_Neria Amell._

Leandra looked shocked, "Oh dear, I never thought... You knew almost everyone in the Tower, didn't you?"

I nodded, "It had been my home since I was a child."

"So, this Neria Amell knew about us. Why didn't she write?"

"Cade is a mage, and your daughter was a mage, correct?" I asked.

Leandra nodded, "As was Malcolm."

"Templars check all mail sent and received from the Tower, as a precaution. If there was ever a hint that you were providing refuge to apostates, then Templars would have been sent."

"Oh."

I nodded, and handed her the bundle. Inside it lay several pieces of jewelry, a fine hairbrush made of ivory, and several journals.

"I'll have Cade look at these, he might know more about what's in them than I probably do," Leandra gestured to the journals, "Thank you."

"It's my job," I replied smoothly.

"If you want, I can get Cade to take you on a tour of Kirkwall."

Leliana's smile widened, "That would be lovely I wasn't able to get a good look around last time."

I smiled weakly at her, "Of course, Lel," I turned to Leandra, "Where is your son?"

Leandra looked out the window, "By this time, he's usually out in the courtyard with Darren."

Leliana's brow wrinkled, "Who is Darren?"

"Our Mabari warhound," Leandra replied, "We got him a few years after Carver and Bethany were born..." At the mention of her other children, Leandra's voice shook a little.

Leliana began to comfort the woman, while I watched feeling more awkward then ever before. I sighed, and thought about Sev, my Mabari. I missed him a lot.

I stood, "I think I'll go find him," I left the women alone, not wanting to intrude. I found my way to a small courtyard surrounded by various plants. I found Cade throwing a stick for his Mabari to catch. A faint smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, I remembered Sev.

He had died after the final battle against the Archdemon, he had swallowed too much darkspawn blood to be saved, even with healing magic. I sighed, and watched the two for another moment. Darren ran toward me, stick clenched in his jaws.

He dropped it at my feet, stump of his tail wagging. I picked it up and threw it. It soared over Cade's head, and on the ground close to the garden. Darren chased after it, barking.

"He seems like a good hound," I said, not wanting to leave the awkward silence hanging in the air.

"He is. We've had him for a long time."

"Your mother told us you would be able to show Leliana and I around Kirkwall. I would greatly appreciate if you did. You don't have to, I'm sure Leliana and I can handle it on our own."

Cade nodded, "I'll show you around," I examined him closely.

He was a tall man, taller than me than half a foot. He was also very muscled, something I was unaccustomed to in mages. He had black hair, and a tattoo that was similar to what mine had been like before the scar on my cheek ruined it. He was an intimidating person, but I could tell he could be a good person.

"Thank you," I said.

Cade shrugged, "Are you ready?"

"Almost, Leliana and I should get changed first. If Kirkwall is anything like Denerim and Amaranthine, we will probably want to be armed."

Cade nodded, "Good idea. I'll meet you at the front door."

I nodded, and followed him from the garden. I fetched Leliana and we got changed. She into her cuirass, and I in my robes. We followed Cade from the house and into the stone streets of Kirkwall.

(LNE BREAK)

Author's Note: Ha! I have completed another chapter, for a while, I was quite stuck, but I got my inspiration back! I still do not own Dragon Age, sadly.


	4. Training and a Duel

I begrudgingly led the couple through the familiar streets of Hightown. I didn't say much, but Leliana and Jace seemed content to simply watch and learn.

"The Circle is in the Gallows, correct?" Jace asked suddenly, watching Leliana barter with a shop owner.

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest, "You went through there on your way through the city."

Jace nodded, "Can we go there? I need some lyrium potions."

I raised an eyebrow, "Is that wise?" I looked down at the elf.

Jace smirked, "I have my Warden documents, as well as my Warden's Oath. I am the Warden-Commander of Fereldan as well. I will not be bothered."

"You're someone of importance, then?" I asked, not entirely sure what all that meant.

"Yes. I am basically in charge of all Warden activity in Fereldan, and have direct contact to the Wardens in Orlais and Antiva."

I nodded again, taking in the information, "We can go to the Gallows next, if you wish."

Leliana came back, shoving something into the pack she brought with her. I had to admit, she was a sight. Her red hair practically glowed with a strange energy with the sunlight reflecting off of it. She moved with grace, clearly accustomed to armour. A bow was strapped across her back, and twin daggers at her right hip.

I shook my head, she was pretty, but not as pretty as Merrill. Merrill didn't see me like that, though. She was too absorbed in her studies and the eluvian to really care about much else. I sighed, "Follow me."

(LINE BREAK)

The Gallows were depressing, but the same as usual. Templars scurried about, yelling at mages and templar recruits. I glanced around, trying to see if Carver was here, if he was I didn't want to start anything.

Leliana was watching with a curiosity that astounded me, she was married to a Circle mage. Surely there wasn't a big difference between the Fereldan Circle and the Free Marches.

Jace looked tense, and eyed any templar that looked at him for too long. He was shifty eyed, but calm. I took him to the mage-ware shop. He bought every lyrium potion they had, and looked at the staffs.

"They're different here," He remarked. He picked one up, and admired it. He nodded to himself, and payed for it. He strapped it to his back, and noticed a templar looking at him. He raised an eyebrow at the man, but said nothing.

He started to browse the alchemical ingredients of the shop next door, and the templar strode over, "Excuse me, messere, but is there any reason why you just bought that staff?"

Jace turned, and looked up at the templar, I hoped the man was shaking in his heavy plate mail, "Yes. I am a Grey Warden, and am in need of a new staff."

"Can you prove this, messere?"

"Of course," Jace pulled an amulet from a pocket of his robes, and dangled it in front of him. The templar took it, but I didn't get a chance to see it. He examined it for a moment, before nodding, and giving it back, "I apologize, Warden."

Jace smirked, but said nothing, he just resumed his browsing. I felt amazed, he could do whatever he wanted? With an amulet as his scapegoat, the templars couldn't touch him. He sighed as the templar strode away, "Trust me, you don't want to become a Grey Warden."

"Why not? I would be safe."

Jace smirked, "I can't tell you, but trust me, you do not want to become one."

I let the matter drop, despite the anger building in my chest. I sighed, and kept an eye on several templars, not sure if I was looking out for trouble, or Carver. I heard heavy, stamping footsteps behind me.

"Ahem," I turned to find a heavily armoured templar, standing with his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Is there anything you need?" I asked tersely.

"I am here to apprehend your friend there. Knight-Commander Meredith has ordered him to meet her in her office at once."

Jace walked beside me, "Who is Meredith?"

"The Commander of the templars in Kirkwall," I replied, getting ready for a fight.

Jace's eyes flashed, "I am a Grey Warden, I do not need to answer to templars any longer."

The templar shifted his weight, armour creaking, "She wants a word with you, a business proposal."

"I am not going to catch maleficar, if that is what she wants," Jace replied defiantly, "I am here on Grey Warden, and Fereldan Circle business. I would ask that you respectively tell the Knight-Commander this."

The templar bristled, but bowed stiffly, "Yes sir," He stomped away.

I almost had to pick up my jaw off the ground, I had never seen one of the templars in Kirkwall become nervous in the presence of a mage, let alone one that looked so unformidable, "We should get out of here," Leliana said, "We are drawing attention to ourselves."

Jace nodded, and I felt inclined to go with them, I was not protected, unlike Jace. We left, back into Lowtown. Jace was looking at the high walls with interest, "The Imperium built this."

I nodded, "Kirkwall was home to many slaves. They used to work the quarries."

"The architecture is similar to this in the Kocari Wilds, and the ruins in the Brecillian Forest."

I nodded, I had explored some of the Kocari Wilds when I was young, and had stumbled across more than one Tevinter ruin to know he was correct, "I lived in Lothering."

Jace blinked, "Where you there when the darkspawn attacked?"

"No, although it was close enough that we ran into an ogre."

Jace paused, and turned to stare at me, pale, "Dear lord. I barely managed to kill my first ogre after becoming a Grey Warden. I had three trained soldiers with me, as well. How did you manage?"

I shrugged, "I had too. My mom was with me, and I knew we could come here if we survived."

"You're family motivated you. That's good. When I fought the ogre, my only thought was I didn't want to die in my first battle. In fact, I almost did," Jace looked ahead at Leliana, who was talking to a child on the street corner, "If I hadn't survived, I wouldn't have met Leliana."

I smiled, "That's good you've found someone."

"Do you have someone?"

The question surprised me, but I answered, "No. I like someone, but I'm not sure if she likes me."

"Who is she?"

"A Dalish elf named Merrill. She lives here, in the alienage."

Jace nodded, but didn't comment, just continued walking, "I think I would like to stay here for a while, in Kirkwall. It's nice here."

I snorted, feeling disbelief, "You're kidding, right?"

Jace shook his head, "I'm not. I need a break from Fereldan. I don't want to be too far, in case I'm needed, but this is different enough that I can take a deep breath."

I looked at him, shocked, "Good luck with that. You'll probably be attacked more times that you can count."

"That'll take a while. I can count pretty high," Jace replied dryly.

I blinked, _did he just tell a joke?_

Jace smirked, but stayed silent. Leliana strode over, "I am going to the Chantry. I will meet you back at the manor."

I cursed under my breath, remembering that I had to speak with Aveline in Viscount's Keep. The couple turned to look at me. I sighed, "I have business at Viscount's Keep."

Leliana smirked, and looked at Jace, "I know you won't come with me, you two bond. It would do you both good to have another mage friend."

I opened my mouth to protest, I already had Anders and Merrill to deal with, but Leliana left. Jace watched her leave, eyebrows raised. At my expression, he chuckled, "She does this a lot."

"I figured."

"What do you have to do at Viscount's Keep?"

"Aveline, the Guard Captain is a close friend of mine. She wants me to train some of her soldiers against mages, just in case."

"I could help you, if you wish. Despite all appearances, I can take care of myself."

I nodded, despite the fact I didn't entirely believe him. It must have shown on my face because Jace's eyes darkened, "I can teach these men on how to defend themselves from most types of offensive magic."

I nodded again, still not entirely sure. The rest of the way was silent, and when we finally reached Viscount's Keep, I was happy to be in familiar territory. I walked through the maze of stone hallways, and into a small courtyard. A few of the senior members of the guards, and many of the new recruits were there, as well as Aveline.

Aveline turned, and raised her eyebrows at me, "You're late."

I shrugged, running a hand through my hair, "You know me. I got side-tracked."

Aveline turned to face Jace, and her face softened, "Did you save this man?"

I took a step away from Jace, not sure what to expect. He sighed, "No. Technically, I saved him. And you, and everyone else, I suppose..." He trailed off, thinking.

"This is Jace Surana, Arl of Amaranthine and Hero of Fereldan."

Aveline blinked in shock. She turned to Jace, and looked at him, studying him, "Is this true?"

Jace reached inside his tunic, and pulled out the pendent he had shown the templars earlier. He took it off, and showed it to her.

The pendent depicted a griffon. It was blood red, and when Jace's hand moved, I noticed that it hadn't been painted- liquid filled the hollow figure of the griffon. Aveline's eyes widened, "That's a Warden's Oath. Are you really telling the truth?"

"Yes," Jace replied steadily, slipping the simple chain over his head again, and tucking the pendent under his shirt, "I came with Cade to help train your guard, if that's alright with you, of course."

"I would be honoured. What can you teach them?" Aveline seemed a little hesitant, but hid her uncertainty well.

"I travelled with two assassins, a Qunari warrior, a dwarven beserker, a large Mabari war hound, a templar, and a healer. What do you want me to teach them?"

"_Ahem_," Ser Donnic cleared his throat, "We do encounter a lot of thugs, sir. Many of them can duel wield, can you?-"

Aveline and I shot him a glance, both of our expressions probably told him the same thing: _He's a mage_!

"Of course I can," Jace opened a bag he had slipped over one shoulder to rest on the opposite hip, and pulled out to daggers and unsheathed them. One of them had curves all throughout the blade, ending in a sharp point. The blade was etched with black lines, and even from a few paced away I could feel the power radiating from it.

The second one was less powerful, but I could feel the enchantment anyway. The hilt was made of blood red leather, and stains along the blade suggested it had been bloody for some time before being picked up. Jace set down the bag and scabbards by the entrance to the courtyard, and took off his cloak.

He stood in the courtyard, the bloodied dagger in his left hand, and the other in his right. He did look reasonably intimidating, with both daggers drawn and at the ready, and a staff strapped to his back. He looked at Aveline, "Who will go first?"

A young man laughed, "I will take on this 'Hero of Fereldan'. Captain, you have much to learn about the people here-"

"You!-" Aveline started, but Jace raised a hand.

"Do not worry, Come then, spar with me if you wish. Do not hold back, for I will not hold back."

The recruit was smiling. He was dressed in the new recruits training attire: a light leather cuirass and leather greaves and bracers. He held a sword in his right hand, and a shield was strapped to his left.

"Alright, Lycas, you know the rules. No serious injuries or maiming. I can be a little more lax, with two healers here, but if you purposely hurt our guest, you will have me to answer to," Aveline's voice was deep and commanding.

"Anything else I need to know?" Jace asked, twirling the blades around in his hands like they were nothing.

"The duel is over when the opponent either surrenders, or a death-dealing blow is about to be made. Please don't skewer this one, he may be an ass, but he knows his way around a blade."

Jace nodded, searching the other man's eyes. Aveline called the start of the duel, and Lycas attacked first, using his superior strength.

Jace dodged out of the way, and struck with the flat of the bloody dagger. It didn't hurt, but it did shock Lycas that he had not gotten the first blow. After that, he thought about what he was doing, driving Jace into a corner. Jace did admirably, landing more blows then he took.

When his heel hit the stone of the wall, he faltered, trying to find his balance. Lycas struck Jace a hard blow in the chest, doubling the mage over. The bloodied dagger fell to the ground with a clatter. I winced in sympathy, knowing how painful a blow like that could be.

Lycas turned around, and started walking away, smirking in triumph. Jace rushed forward, using such speed and agility I didn't know he even had, and ducked around Lycas's shield arm, and pushed the dagger against the other man's chest.

As soon as he did, he bent double coughing, he fell to his knees, not letting go of the dagger. Blood hit the cobblestones, making me worry, Lycas hadn't hit him that hard. Before I could blink, Lycas had his sword at the base of Jace's neck, and Jace had his dagger levelled at Lycas's groin.

They held the position a moment, neither daring to move. I saw Jace mouth something, and Lycas froze, paralysed. Jace stood, and retrieved his other dagger, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He coughed again, bringing more blood.

Aveline went pale, and went over to see if she could help, "I'll have his head-"

"He didn't do it. I'm.." Jace paused, "sick," He said simply, "The blow to the ribs was just that, a blow to the ribs. Nothing to worry about."

I was a little concerned, but Jace was acting like it was nothing, and It was none of my business. He could obviously handle whatever he had, and I had no right to say otherwise.

"Can you get him to move again, having him in the middle of the sparring area would be dangerous," Aveline nodded at the frozen figure in the middle of the courtyard.

I nodded, "I agree. It would be interesting, but dangerous."

"For him, not anyone else," Jace said, humour lacing his words. He walked over to Lycas, and released him from the spell.

Lycas jerked, and gaped at Jace. Jace smirked, "I don't know why you forgot I'm a mage. The Hero of Fereldan being a mage is common knowledge. It's always the elf part everyone seems to forget."

Lycas sneered, but rejoined the line. Jace stretched his arms over his head, "Anyone want to try dueling me because they think they can win, or does anyone want to learn?"

Several leather-clad arms went up, pointing toward the sky, and voiced joined them exclaiming: "Yes!"

I smiled, the rumours would start flying now. _So much for his deep breath._

(LINE BREAK)

Ha!Ha! Got this chapter done! It took me forever, and it's over 2700 words long, but I got it done! I do not own Dragon Age! Please do not sue me, but you can PM me, or review. If I can, I'll try to get back to you!


	5. Expecting

_Jace_

By the time I helped the last few recruits, I felt absolutely exhausted. The pain in my chest and stomach was almost enough to make me want to curl up on the cool stone ground and die. I coughed up blood a few more times.

I was thanking the Maker that the person in front of me was the last one I had to help. I walked around him, watching his movements as he attacked the dummy in front of him using a style very similar to me. He was good, too good for someone who had just joined the guard.

"Attack me," I said, telling the recruit. He blinked, and turned his attention to me. He readied himself, and I pulled out Duncan's dagger and the Thorn of the Dead Gods from my belt. I twirled them, feeling their familiar weight in my hands,

I attacked first, a deft blow to the arm with the flat of the blade. The guard dodged, and landed one of his own. It glanced my arm, and I smiled, "Don't underestimate your opponents, no matter what."

He looked confused at my statement, and I saw a chance, I cast an Arcane Bolt at him, not putting any intent or power behind it. He was still staggered, and almost fell over. He recovered quickly, and attacked back.

The battle took longer then I had expected, and I soon began to tire. I tried my best to keep up, but I couldn't. I slipped up, leaving my torso exposed. The guard took his advantage, and slammed me in the stomach, knocking me to the ground.

The breath was knocked out of me, and I lay on my back. I tried to breathe, but my lungs refused to work. Finally, I breathed, and started coughing, I rolled over and vomited blood. I saw the man's boots, and panicked when I heard him sheathe one of his daggers.

I felt the constant whispers in the back of my head rose to a crescendo. I felt the spirits clamber for control, and felt one take hold.

_Jowan, lying in a pool of his own blood. The archdemon roaring, and swiping away six soldiers at once._

I felt my magic explode outward, and the man fell to the ground with a cry of pain.

_The Tower floor covered in blood, all the people I knew gone in less then a week._

Using the pain in my torso, I threw the spirits into the back of my head. I vomited more blood, and choked in pain. After a few minutes, I looked up to see the man unconscious. His dagger laying inches from his hand.

My blood was splattered over the cobblestones near his feet. Rage and embarrassment raged in my chest, trying to battle for supremacy. I stood, and looked around trying to find my daggers. One was lying in the pool of blood, I grasped the slippery hilt, cursing. It was Duncan's dagger, I sighed, and wiped it off on the hem of my shirt.

I found Thorn of the Dead Gods on the ground a little ways away. _He must have kicked it away so I couldn't use it._

"Are you alright?" Aveline asked.

"I'll be fine. What was that about, Guard-Captain? Does that man have a deathwish?"

I heard one of the guards snort, and mutter, "I don't know, he almost kicked your ass."

Aveline spun around, "Anderson! Go back to the keep, you will be patrolling Hightown for the next month!"

A man left the ranks, and the others stayed silent after that.

Aveline cleared her throat, "I do not know what that was about. I can do an enquiry about him, if you wish. He is new, just signed up last week."

"I assume you'll tell me as soon as you find something?"

"Of course, is he dead?"

"No. Accidental magic bursts like that are not normally lethal. He was lucky, however, the last time something like that happened, I almost burned down the dormitory at the Circle."

Aveline nodded, "I'll keep him in the barracks. He'll do paperwork for me for a while."

I nodded, "Good," my breath caught in my throat, making me cough. Thankfully, no blood this time, which was a good thing. I wasn't sure if I could handle the taste of more blood.

Cade was waiting patiently by the entrance to the courtyard, my things by his feet. I thankfully wrapped my cloak around my shoulders, and grabbed my other things. I walked away, toward Cade's home.

I felt my heart hammering in my chest. Fear building up in my system, _he might know about Anders. What can I do if he knows? _

Cade said nothing, just followed me. Leliana was waiting for us in the main room. She laid her eyes on me, and paled, "Maker's Breath! Are you alright?"

I looked down, and winced. Part of my tunic was soaked in blood, and I was filthy, covered in dirt and dust, "I'm fine. Helped train some of the new recruits that recently joined the guard."

Leliana glared at him, "I know something happened. Tell me."

I rubbed my face, and explained what happened. Leliana listened intently, "I'm sorry that happened."

"Not your fault," I shrugged, "I should've realized something was wrong."

"Go get changed, I have something to tell you," Leliana smiled, looking a little worried.

I looked at her, searching her eyes, but it didn't seem too pressing. I nodded slowly, and walked to our room. I stripped off my bloodied clothing, changing into a warm sweater. I walked back into the main hall, spotting Leliana in the library I joined her. She motioned for me to sit down, and I did.

She moved her chair closer to mine, and worry ignited in my chest again. She noticed my worry, and smiled happily. That made the worry dissipate a little. She grasped my hand, and ran a finger over my wedding ring. I repeated the gesture, wondering what was going on.

"Love. I know we always talked about having a family," Leliana began.

I was confused, before we married I told her the chances of us having children were slim, Grey Wardens were not exactly sterile, but having children was hard. I nodded slowly, I had never thought I would have a family of my own. After the Blight, the possibility had struck me hard. Leliana and I had talked about it, and we both decided we would love children.

"Jace," Leliana's soft voice broke through my reverie, "I'm pregnant."

My mouth went dry, and my heart leaped, "You're kidding."

Leliana's smile grew, "I'm not."

I stood and pulled her up to. I wrapped my arms around her carefully. Leliana laughed as I rested a hand on her stomach, "I'm not going to show yet."

"I-I.." I was shell-shocked. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, "I love you so much."

"I know. What do you think, boy or girl?"

I shrugged, still trying to wrap my brain around the idea, "Isn't that your job to figure out?"

Leliana giggled, "I'm surprised you know that myth."

"It's one of the few things I remember about my mother," I admitted quietly, "She always said she thought I was going to be a boy. Said it was 'mother's intuition'."

Leliana's arms tightened around my middle, "I'm so happy."

I smiled, and squeezed back, "Me too."

(LINE BREAK)

Author's Note: Ha! I've been laying hints about this for a while. I was hoping you guys would catch it. So if you guessed right, please let me know! I think I'll set up a poll to ask what gender the baby is! (Maybe a name poll as well) Any suggestions, questions, comments (Or any mixture thereof) can be PM'd to me, or stated in your reviews! Please R&R and let me know!


	6. Losing it

_Cade_

I slammed the tankard down on the wooden table. A woman scrambled to fill it back up, using a metal pitcher to pour ale in. I ignored her, she didn't matter. Varric was leering at me from across the table, clearly wondering what had put me in this mood.

I sneered, why was everyone happy with their lots in life but me? _Well, except maybe Fenris, and Anders I suppose. _Aveline was married, Merrill was making progress with the Eluvian, Varric and Isabel were happy enough with their current situations, leaving me alone.

_I wish Bethany were still alive, she would help me see another side to this. Maybe talk Carver into coming back... I don't need Carver, I hate him... _I downed most of the tankard in one go, feeling the alcohol burn my throat. _Not to mention Jace and Leliana, she's pregnant. They're both beyond ecstatic. Why am I always alone?_

Varric cleared his throat, "What has you in such a mood, Hawke? You're brooding enough to rival the elf."

I snorted into my tankard, swallowing the last of the ale. The waitress filled it again, beer sloshing to the floor when her hand shook. Varric glared at her in annoyance, but said nothing. The waitress went red, and apologized profusely. 

I swallowed a mouthful of ale, "I don't know, Varric. I'm sick of watching everyone find happy endings."

Varric snorted, "I doubt the elf is happy, or the mage."

"I know, but everyone is at least content with where they are."

Varric nodded slowly, and sipped his drink. I stared into mine, "Maker... Why does nothing ever work out for me?"

"You're talking about Daisy, aren't you?"

I smiled weakly, but didn't answer for a long moment. I swallowed a mouthful of ale, "You said you wouldn't say anything about that."

Varric smiled, "I know, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what you think about her. The only one that doesn't know about how you feel is Daisy herself."

I snorted, "Yeah, I suppose so..." I set my drink down, "I need to go. Mother will worry if I stay out any longer."

"You're an adult, Hawke."

"I know, but she only has me left," I pushed my chair back and stood up.

"She has Carver," Varric muttered into his drink.

Anger flashed through my being, "No she doesn't. He left us both when he went to the Templars. He hasn't bothered writing me!"

Varric slammed his tankard down, "I talked to Leandra a few days ago! Apparently Carver writes to her all the time! She has two children, not just you, Hawke!"

I felt my cheeks burn, and I spun on my heel and stormed out of the Hanged Man. Thoughts blazed in my head, going around in circles. _Why is everyone happy but me? _I walked on autopilot, but didn't realize where I was until I knocked on Merrill's door.

Merrill cracked the door open, looked at me, then opened it fully, "Oh, hello, Hawke-"

I pulled her close, and bent down. One hand went to the base of her skull, and the other arm pulled her even closer to me. I kissed her, anger and a jumble of other emotions fuelling my actions. Merrill didn't respond right away.

She pushed me away, cheeks bright red, "Hawke! What are you-"

"Please, Merrill. I love you," I choked out, "please tell me you love me back."

Merrill gaped at me, eyes wide. I stood stock still, feeling my heart plummet to my feet. Merrill blinked slowly, "I-I'm sorry Hawke. I couldn't... I'm an elf."

Shame, anger, and disappointment made my throat close. Tears blurred my vision, but I nodded numbly, "I get it," I spun on my heel, and ran out of the alienage.

I heard Merrill call my name, but I ignored her, letting a wracking sob burst forth. I slowed down my mad pace when I reached Hightown, pausing to catch my breath. I scrubbed at my eyes with one of my callused hands. I sniffed, and swallowed back the lump.

I sighed, and walked slowly into the mansion. I could hear Mother humming in the library, but I didn't stop long enough to say hello. I stormed into my room, Darren at my heels. The hound sat by the fireplace as I slammed my door shut, and stripped off my fine tunic. I took off my fine clothes, and put on the ratted, old clothing I wore when practising my spells. I grabbed my staff from it's place of honour beside the bed.

I stormed past a bewildered Mother, and into the barren courtyard I used to practise. Dummies and targets were set up, the first one I saw I threw a fireball at. The dummy burst into flames, and Darren whimpered behind me.

The next dummy was headless the next second. A distant target froze all the way through, frost coating the stone around the target itself. I stabbed the staff into the cobblestones, letting my anger fuel my magic to radiate outward. One of the other dummies were knocked over. _Not destroyed enough. _Fire erupted from the staff, and the dummy burst into a pile of ash.

I dropped the staff, not feeling at all satisfied with the destruction I was causing. The metal clashed against stone, and Darren howled. I looked down, but he was still standing near the entrance. I ignored him, and using my hands to channel the magic, let flames burst forth to incinerate the last two dummies. The last of the targets hanging on the stone, I froze solid.

Feeling weak and drained, my knees gave out, and I fell to the stone. _What is wrong with me!?_ My throat closed, and tears spilled forth. All of my failures since the Blight flashed in front of me, but mostly the death of Bethany was what affected me. And Mother's words after. _I don't want a hero! I want my Bethany back! How could you let her! You're supposed to protect her!_

Darren's cool, wet nose nudged me, and I wrapped my muscular arms around the hound, still sobbing. Darren woofed quietly, and whimpered. Then Carver's betrayal flashed through my mind. _I'm getting out of your shadow! I won't tell the templars _I _still have some loyalty to my family._

Mother blamed me for his leaving too, even though she held no scrap of blame for Carver himself. She never blamed anything on Carver. _Lucky bastard._

Darren barked, and I pulled away from him, stroking his course fur, "You're a good boy."

His tail wagged, and he leaned into me, allowing me to scratch the itchy part of his neck. His leg thumped against the ground, and he drooled over the cobblestones. Despite myself, I laughed, and Darren barked triumphantly. I hugged him again, and buried my face in his neck, "You're such a good boy."

Darren pulled back, and licked my cheek. I smiled, and patted his head, "I should probably put out the fires, huh? Before I burn something important."

Darren barked three times, and shook his head. I turned toward the dummies to find the ones I had flamed in ashes. I sighed, "Oh well."

I heard the creak of armour, and metal footsteps on stone. I looked up to see Carver, he leaned against the entrance, "Are you done with your temper tantrum?" He asked smugly.

More anger burnt in my chest, but I didn't have the strength to defend myself, "Yes, thank you. Good job, being a templar, found a mage losing his mind. Going to see if I know blood magic yet?"

Carver snorted, "Like I said, I'm not telling. You're lucky, though. You would be killed if you can't even control your emotions."

I sighed defeatedly, and picked up my staff with numb fingers, "I don't care about the Circle, Carver. You know if I was sent there I would probably kill myself, or get another mage to kill me."

"Even you're not that selfish," Carver said maliciously.

"It's not selfishness, it's mercy. You know that better then I do now, I expect. C'mon Darren," I pushed past Carver, and walked to my room.

I heard Carver follow me, but ignored him. I walked tiredly up the stairs, feeling more and more tired with each step.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?" Carver asked.

I rolled my eyes, "I don't care. So, no, I'm not."

Carver's footsteps stopped, but I kept going. I walked tiredly to the stairs and began to climb up them, "How does Mother put up with you?"

I stopped at the top, and turned to stare down at Carver, "She doesn't," I sighed, and walked into my room, slamming the door shut, and dropping the staff on the ground. I heard Darren scratch the door open and then shut it. He trotted over, and hopped on the bed, making the wood creak in protest. I stripped off the tunic and pants, putting on a loose pair of breeches.

I climbed into bed, shoving Darren over so I could lay down. I snapped my fingers, and the lamp extinguished, making the room pitch black. Darren shuffled over, resting his head on my chest. I scratched behind his ear, feeling as if my heart had been torn in two.

I shut my eyes, and listened to the calm breathing of Darren, and soon fell asleep.

(LINE BREAK)

The next morning, I woke up feeling as if I had no energy. I felt magically drained, emotionally drained, and physically drained. I sighed, _I'm useless._

I slowly sat up, muscles aching. Darren bounded off the bed, and opened the door, running down the stairs. I slipped on a sweater, not bothering to put on a different pair of pants. I paused at the doorway, suddenly remembering how childish I had acted the night before. I swallowed down my shame, I was human after all, I was aloud to lose my cool every now and again.

Right?

(LINE BREAK)  
Author's Note: HAHA! Finished another chapter, I feel so happy. PM me your suggestions/comments/questions, or you can review to let me know. Thanks!


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